The Fairly Odd Sponge
by Jeffaplus
Summary: It's summer, and Timmy becomes frustrated with his scuba suit while diving on vacation. When he wishes he could just live underwater, he meets a certain yellow sponge and pink starfish! A crossover in typical Nickelodeon style. ON HIATUS
1. Summer Arrives

"C'mon, bell," said Timmy nervously, "ring!"

"_Well_, children," said Mr. Crocker with an evil smile, stretching to his full height above his students, "since the school year ends in thirty seconds —" he pointed to the clock, which had grown cobwebs — "it's time for me to..."

"_FAIL ALL OF YOU!"_ he said excitedly, and a squadron of red "F" papers fell from the ceiling and buried Timmy and his friends.

"...except for you, AJ," Mr. Crocker amended, handing the boy a blue "A". "You pass."

"_What?_" said Timmy, popping out of the pile of papers angrily. "You can't do that! We'll all have to retake this class!"

"Thereby giving me more opportunities," said Mr. Crocker, still smiling evilly, "to prove once and for all that you, Timmy Turner, have... _**FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!**_" He leaped up and spasmed with every syllable. "Trust me, Turner," he said in a normal voice, now glaring at Timmy, "if you somehow manage to pass this class, I _will know_ how."

"Oh, really?" said Timmy, smiling.

He dove back into the pile of papers and, amid the darkness, whispered, "Cosmo? Wanda?"

Timmy's two fairies appeared beside him. Wanda, noticing the darkness, raised her wand and made the end glow; now the three of them could see.

"Something we can help you with, Timmy?" said Cosmo cheerfully, tossing his nickel Philip around.

"Listen carefully," said Timmy anxiously. "School gets out in ten seconds, and I need to pass so I can get out of Crocker's class!" He thought for a second, then brightened. "I wish we all had 'A's — and that Crocker had no memory of failing us!"

"Wow, Timmy!" said Cosmo proudly, as he raised his wand, "That was pretty smart!"

"I know," said Timmy modestly, "I have learned _some_thing from Crocker's class."

There was a _poof_, and suddenly the pile of F's vanished and Timmy and his classmates were back in their desks. Every one of them had a blue "A" tucked into their backpack, even Francis, the bully. Mr. Crocker, meanwhile, suddenly went from looking evil to looking confused.

"_FIVE ... FOUR ..._" the students counted, watching the clock.

"Huh?" Mr. Crocker said, glancing around. "Wait a minute! They all have A's! Even the child with the overactive pituiarity gland!"

"_THREE ... TWO..._"

"Stop, wait!" Mr. Crocker shouted, flailing desperately, "you can't all pass! How did I pass all of you? You all should have failed!"

"_ONE..._"

"Oh well," Mr. Crocker said, suddenly smiling contentedly, "I still have some time left. I will change all your grades back to F's!"

"_**ZERO!!**_"

There was a rumble, and the earth shook as every student in the school stampeded out of class amid the loud ringing of the bell. Cosmo and Wanda turned into Timmy's backpack and lunchbox and Timmy ran with the others, shouting and hollering gleefully.

"What?" said Mr. Crocker confusedly. "School's out! _**NO!!!**_I didn't have time to fail all of them!"

Timmy was the last to leave Crocker's classroom. He put one foot out the door — and suddenly gave a shriek of alarm as Crocker dove for him and grabbed onto his leg, trying to pull him back desperately.

"TURNER!" he said, "you can't have passed! You can't have! I still have to prove that you have FAIRY GODPARENTS!!" (He spasmed with every syllable again.) "TURNER! NO!!"

"Cosmo? Wanda?" Timmy whispered, grinning.

The two fairies smiled and raised their wands, and with a poof Timmy suddenly had a rocket-powered skateboard under his feet. He kicked the "on" switch, and smoke billowed out the back and into Crocker's face. Coughing, the teacher released his grip, and Timmy sailed out of the school hallway out into the front yard triumphantly.

"TURNER!!" Crocker shouted after him. He kneeled on the floor and raised his hands above his head. "_**NO!!!!**_" he yelled in agony, the sound echoing.

* * *

"Free at last!" said Timmy, as he flew on his skateboard toward his house. "No more Crocker! No more F's! No more trying to prove your guys' existence!"

"That's great, Timmy," said Cosmo cheerfully. "Of course, the only way you did pass was by trickery, but hey, nothing wrong with that!" He tossed Philip around again happily.

"Timmy, I don't know," said Wanda, "Crocker doesn't seem like the type of person to just give up like that."

"What's he gonna do?" Timmy laughed, as he reached his parents' house. "I passed his class, didn't I? He can't suddenly become the _sixth_-grade teacher, can he? The only way he'd get to me is by stalking me, and even _he_ wouldn't be up to that!"

About a mile away, a big black van suddenly burst out of the school's parking lot and into the street. The van barreled down the road at an alarming speed until it reached Timmy's street, where it slowed to a crawl. Inside the van were a bunch of complicated-looking gadgets and detecting devices.

"I can't believe I'm up to this," said Crocker from the driver's seat, as he pulled a high-tech pair of binoculars down from the ceiling, "but it's the only way I will be able to prove the existence of ... FAIRIES!!" He leaped out of his seat with excitement and hit his head on the car's ceiling. "Ouch!"

Crocker dropped back into his seat and examined the view through his binoculars. "The Turner child is skateboarding home," he muttered, watching Timmy. "And what's this? He seems to be talking to his lunchbox and his backpack! Hmmm. Either he's certifiably insane, or he is talking to his FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!" This time he spasmed so hard his feet crashed through the passenger window. "Ouch!"

* * *

Timmy skateboarded up to his parents' front door and leaped off his skateboard. It vanished into thin air, and Cosmo and Wanda appeared beside him as pink and green dogs. "School's over," said Timmy happily, leaning on the front door. "I can't wait to just stay at home and relax for awhile!" He opened the door and marched in.

"SURPRISE, TIMMY!"

Timmy shrieked in astonishment and Cosmo and Wanda immediately poofed onto him as watches. Standing before him were his parents, dressed in the strangest suits that Timmy had ever seen. They were dark gray, had flipper feet and hands, and big air helmets at the top.

"Scuba gear, Timmy!" said Mr. Turner, pointing to his suit. "We're going scuba diving in the Pacific Ocean!"

"Don't forget _your_ suit, dear," said Mrs. Turner cheerfully, holding a smaller scuba suit up. She reached down and pulled it onto Timmy. "There. Now we're all set to go!"

"After all," said Mr. Turner happily, pulling out his car keys, "why sit home and relax when you can be swimming with hazardous aquatic wildlife? Let's go!"

Mr. Turner grabbed Timmy's hand and pulled him outside to their car, where the three of them jumped in. Mr. Turner started the car, pumped the gas with his flipper foot, and shot into reverse, almost hitting Crocker's van as he pulled out. The car spun around and dashed down the street.

"Curses!" said Mr. Crocker from inside his van. "The Turner child is being driven away! I must follow him!"

He put his own scuba suit on, pressed on the gas and dashed after the Turners' car.


	2. The Big Wish

"Now, Timmy," said Mr. Turner, "scuba diving is really quite simple. The most important part is the scuba suit."

"So boring," said Timmy, his eyes drooping, "can't focus."

They were out on a boat in the middle of the ocean, which was docked at a small island. According to a tiny sign nailed into the sand, the island's name was BIKINI TOP. The three Turners ignored it, getting ready to jump into the water. Mrs. Turner reached up and pulled her oxygen helmet over her head, breathing deeply, and then jumped in with a flourish.

"All you have to do," said Mr. Turner, demonstrating with his own scuba suit, "is pull the helmet on. Then you press the PX-38 button to let in the oxygen, the 43-BD lever to let the oxygen out, the RE-92 through XZ-97 buttons to regulate the oxygen, and the 12-PA button if you run out of oxygen. Then you move on to the flippers..."

As Mr. Turner demonstrated his amazingly complicated scuba suit, Timmy felt his eyes widening. He wasn't taking in any of this. It was all too complex. He felt like there were a dozen different Dads talking in to his ear, all trying to tell him something about the suit and all of them talking at once. His head spun and he raised his flippered hands up to steady himself.

"...so if you do all of that," finished Dad cheerfully, "you'll have no trouble at all! After me, I think!"

And with that, Mr. Turner dove into the water too. Timmy ran to the side of the boat and looked down after him.

"Well," he sighed, "here goes nothing."

He flipped his own helmet on and dove in too.

Slowly Timmy sank underwater, pressing buttons frantically. He was breathing in — good — now he had to breathe out so he had to press the — what was it? 24-UI button? RE-49 lever? THX-1138 button??? He felt around frantically, pushing button after button until he found the right one. He could finally breathe! But for how long?

His parents were nowhere to be seen; Timmy supposed they were off checking out some coral or something. That's okay, all he had to do was stay by the boat. Right?

"Hi, Timmy!" said Cosmo and Wanda, appearing next to him as swordfish. "How's it going?" Cosmo asked.

"Ugh — fine," Timmy grunted, wrestling with his suit. "I can't — exactly — move — though..."

"Well, were you paying attention when your Dad explained how to work the suit? He did opt for the deluxe model, you know," said Wanda worriedly.

"I tried!" said Timmy defensively, as he accidentally flipped himself over trying to work the suit. "But I couldn't focus!" He tried to paddle forward but found he couldn't move his hands and feet at all through the flippers. "Could — I have — a little — help here??"

"Hmm," Cosmo said, swimming closer to examine Timmy's suit. "I got it!" he said brightly, "you press _this_ button!" He leaned forward and jabbed Timmy's suit sharply with his nose.

"Yeeaaaagggh!" Timmy howled, clutching his arm. "Cosmo, you're a _sword_fish! Your nose _hurts!_" And he didn't have time to say any more because the button Cosmo pressed suddenly glowed red, and Timmy's oxygen pack shot off the back of his suit and sailed toward the surface.

The three of them looked up after it. "Um, oops?" said Cosmo, embarrassed. Wanda rolled her eyes and poofed another oxygen tank onto Timmy's back.

"This _stinks!_" yelled Timmy, as he continued to wrestle with his suit. "Why is this thing so darn _complicated??_" He finally ceased struggling and floated there, panting. Suddenly he brightened again. "You know what?" he said to Cosmo and Wanda, a gleam in his eye. "Instead of trying to swim with this thing, I'll just wish I could _live underwater!_"

POOF!

Timmy's suit vanished and suddenly he was floating there in his regular blue pants, red shirt and pink hat. He blinked — and suddenly fell downward.

"Aaaahhh!" Timmy screamed as he plummeted toward the ocean floor. "What's going on?? Who turned up the underwater gravity??"

Cosmo and Wanda immediately poofed back into fairy form and dove after him. Wanda raised her wand, and a parachute poofed onto Timmy's back. Timmy floated downward, and the parachute vanished as his feet touched the ground.

Timmy tapped the ground with his foot. "Sand." He raised his head and inhaled. "Wow! I'm actually breathing water! How cool is that?" Timmy looked around, smiling — and suddenly his eyes widened. "A _pineapple?_"

Towering over the three of them was an enormous orange pineapple, the size of a house. Next to it was a strange stone head, and next to _that_ was a big brown rock.

"Where are we?" said Timmy, looking around apprehensively.

They were standing on a road made of sand, which branched off toward the three houses (was that what they were? Houses? Timmy wondered), but they couldn't see where the road led. Timmy started to head down it, but suddenly stopped: there were voices coming from ahead of them.

"...so last night, when I got home, I thought about watching TV," said one voice — this one was deep and kind of slow.

"And then what?" came another voice, this one much higher and livelier.

"I _did_ watch TV," said the first voice with a grin.

"Well, when I got home last night I went to feed Gary," replied the second, and gradually the people speaking came into view. "You know how much he loves his sediments!"

"Yeah. What're sediments?"

Timmy's eyes widened. What _were_ these things? The first voice seemed to belong to a bright pink thing — was that a _starfish_? And who was the guy next to him? He was wearing these strange square pants. In fact, all of him was square. And yellow. Bright yellow. Was that a _sponge?_

"So anyway, did you see that new MermaidMan and BarnacleBoy episode?" the yellow guy was saying cheerfully. "Our heroes never disappoint. You know, we should make a sequel to that movie of ours!"

"Yeah," agreed the starfish, "and this time I'll remember to take the lens cap off the camera!" He clenched a fist and brought it down onto his palm determinedly — and suddenly blinked.

The two of them had stopped in front of Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda.

There was total silence as all five of them blinked at each other.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" all of them screamed.

"Monsters!" shouted the starfish, dashing to hide behind the big brown rock. "Run, SpongeBob, run!"

"Carnivorous underwater sea creatures!" shouted Timmy, dashing behind the Easter Island head. "Run, Cosmo and Wanda, run!"

"Tiny humans come to put us into a tuna can!" shouted the sponge, dashing for his pineapple house. "I gotta get Gary and get outta here!"

Without thinking the sponge smashed into the front door of the pineapple. Frantically he dug through his pockets looking for a key. "I can't find it! I'm locked out of my own house! And there's a human coming to eat me! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" the sponge shouted again, running around in circles.

Behind the Easter Island head, Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda poked their heads out. "I, uh, don't think he's exactly carnivorous," said Wanda, watching the sponge running around in circles.

"Yeah!" said Cosmo. "Since he lives in a pineapple, he must be a vegetarian!"

"Pineapples are fruit, Cosmo," sighed Wanda.

Cosmo's eyes widened. "Not vegetables?" Suddenly he fell to his knees. "EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!!!" he shouted, sobbing.

"Huh?" cried the sponge, stopping. He looked over to the three of them. Tentatively he crept up to Cosmo. "Why are you crying?" he asked sympathetically.

"Because your house isn't a vegetable!" said Cosmo tearfully, beating his little fairy fists on the ground.

The sponge blinked. "Well, no," he acknowledged, "no, it's not." Suddenly he had an idea. "But do you want a bite?" he asked cheerfully.

Cosmo stopped sobbing immediately. "Neat!" he said, zipping over to the house. He pulled a small piece out and munched on it. "Well, it's not a vegetable, but it's still good!" said Cosmo. The sponge smiled.

"Wow," said Timmy, watching Cosmo munch on the piece. "You actually live in that thing?"

"Yup," said the sponge proudly as he turned around. When he saw Timmy, however, he gasped. "Gaah! Please don't put me in a tuna can!" he said, shielding his face with his hands. "I'm too young to go!!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Timmy. He struck a proud stance. "My name's Timmy Turner, and I live underwater just like you!"

The sponge blinked. "Well, in that case..." He zipped over to Timmy and shook his hand. "Hi! I'm SpongeBob."

"And I'm Patrick," said the starfish, walking over. Suddenly he pointed at Timmy's hat. "Hey, look!" he exclaimed excitedly, "his hat is pink! JUST LIKE ME!!!"

"Who are those two floaty things?" asked SpongeBob, pointing to Cosmo and Wanda (Cosmo had rejoined them, still munching on the piece of pineapple).

"Oh. Uh —" Timmy faltered. "They're — uh — um — underwater computer programs, of course!"

"Timmy, what are you doing?" asked Wanda. "_Da Rules_ only say that other _humans_ can't know about us. Do these look like humans to you?"

"Oh. Well, no," said Timmy. "Okay, they're fairies," he said to SpongeBob.

"Fairies? You mean you're ... you're ... _MAGIC_?" said SpongeBob, his eyes widening.

"Yup!" said Cosmo proudly.

"I knew it!" SpongeBob gasped happily, tears leaking out of his eyes. "I _knew_ magic was real! Squidward and Mr. Krabs didn't believe me, but I knew the truth all along! Magic _does_ exist!"

"Squidward? Mr. Krabs?" said Timmy, confused.

"You're new here, aren't you?" asked Patrick, pointing to Timmy.

"Well, yeah," replied Timmy.

"Then how would you like a grand tour of our little Bikini Bottom?" asked SpongeBob excitedly, gesturing toward the open road.

"Uh, sure!" said Timmy, "Thanks!"

And the five of them set off down the road.

"Hey, cool, he has buck teeth too," said Patrick, pointing.

"Are you a relative of Sandy's?" asked SpongeBob seriously as they continued off into the city.

In a cluster of plants not too far away, a gray bubble helmet popped up through the weeds. "Ah-hah! Turner!" said Mr. Crocker. "And what are those four strange creatures next to him? Must be underwater sealife."

Crocker brushed the plants aside and stepped onto the road. With each movement his scuba suit made horrible loud clanking noises. "Darn!" he said, looking down at it, "it'll be impossible to be sneaky in this thing! The curses of being cheap! Oh well. At least it's easy to use."

He frowned, then looked back at Timmy and his four friends. "Wait a minute! Turner doesn't have a scuba suit! There's only two possible explanations: Either his scuba suit is so sophisticated that it's virtually invisible, or Turner has been rendered able to breathe underwater thanks to the help of his ... FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!" he said, spasming.

"His FAIRIES could be disguised as two of those four sea creatures right now!" he said, using binoculars to examine the group. First he examined Cosmo. "Hmmm ... whatever type of fish that is, it looks remarkably like ... A FAIRY!..." Then he moved onto Wanda: "...And there's the FAIRY fish's wife!" He thought for a minute. "Naaah, that'd be too obvious."

Crocker brought his binoculars down and looked at SpongeBob and Patrick. Behind the binoculars, his eyes widened. "It must be them! No sea creature looks that ridiculous unless it's the disguise of a magical FAIRY GODPARENT!!! I must capture them!"

And, grabbing a butterfly net, Crocker dashed down the road, laughing insanely as his suit creaked and clanked.


	3. A Failed Attempt

"And over here we have the Krusty Krab," said SpongeBob proudly, gesturing toward the little wooden restaurant. "I've been working there for years!"

"And he's gotten the Employee of the Month award 892 times!" added Patrick.

"Wow," said Timmy, "what do they make there?"

"Only the most delicious, scrumptious, flavorful sandwich in the history of Bikini Bottom!" said Spongebob, drooling.

Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda stared at him.

"A Krabby Patty," Patrick explained.

"Awesome!" said Timmy with a smile. "Can I try one?"

"Certainly!" said SpongeBob, dashing through the Krusty Krab's front door. The four of them followed. "Let me just whip one up for you..."

The quirky yellow sponge dove through the counter window and landed back in the kitchen with a crash, which annoyed the green tentacled octopus sitting at the counter. SpongeBob popped back up into the window and gestured toward the green guy. "This is Squidward," he said promptly, and dove back in.

"What would you like to order?" said Squidward in a bored, nasally voice.

"One Krabby Patty, please," said Timmy. "I've never tried one."

"_Never tried one_?" came a deep voice, and a door next to them burst open. A tall red crab dressed in a blue shirt and pants came scurrying out up to Timmy. "Well, we certainly aim to please! And all for the modest price of — _Flying Dutchman!!!_" he suddenly shouted as he spotted Timmy. "Arrrgh!! The humans have come back! I knew it was only a matter of time before the hooks gave way to ... to actual _people_!!"

The panicked crab dove into the kitchen after SpongeBob to hide. "Run, Mr. Squidward, _RUN!_" Squidward rolled his eyes and opened a book.

"What are you talking about?" said Timmy confusedly, as he held up a fistful of quarters. "I just came to buy a Krabby Patty. I've got money..."

"Money?" said the crab, poking his head back out. He saw the coins in Timmy's hand, let out a gasp of glee and jumped up to take them. "In that case, welcome aboard!" he smiled.

"You must be Mr. Krabs," said Wanda to the crab.

"Arr, I am," said the crab proudly.

"Wow, Wanda, you're so smart!" said Cosmo admirably. "How did you know that?"

"It's on his name tag," sighed Wanda.

Cosmo blinked. "I knew that," he said automatically, whistling.

There was a ding, and SpongeBob's head peeked out from behind the register. "Order up!" he said happily, handing a tray with a burger and drink to Squidward. Squidward passed it to Timmy with a bored expression, and Timmy carried it over to sit down at one of the tables.

Timmy rubbed his hands, smacked his lips and prepared to take a bite. But just as he picked up the burger, SpongeBob zipped to his side. "Careful, Timmy," he said seriously, "many people have gotten addicted to Krabby Patties. Why, even Squidward here did one time. All of it went straight to his thighs. And then he blew up."

"Uh, okay," said Timmy, examining the burger. "I'll be careful."

Slowly he raised the burger to his lips — and bit down.

He chewed for a minute, getting used to the taste. SpongeBob was biting his nails nervously, waiting for Timmy's opinion. Patrick strolled to SpongeBob's side and asked, "Well?"

Timmy swallowed. "This ... is ... _DELICIOUS_!" he exclaimed, and gulped the rest of the Krabby Patty down in one bite.

SpongeBob cheered. "Yay! I knew you'd like it!"

"Boy," said Timmy, patting his stomach happily, "I can see why people get addicted to those things."

"But we'll make sure that doesn't happen with you," said SpongeBob cheerily, taking his Krusty Krab hat off. "Ready to continue with the tour?"

"You bet!" said Timmy, hopping down to SpongeBob's side. "Cosmo? Wanda? You're coming, right?"

"Why not?" asked Wanda, smiling.

"Um, can I get two Krabby Patties?" Cosmo was saying to Squidward.

"You got money?" Squidward replied.

"Yes," said Cosmo, "but it's fairy money. Is that okay?" He held out a few gold coins — and they promptly vanished in a poof. He turned to see Wanda holding her wand up and glaring at him angrily. "Cosmo, we agreed to save that money for a rainy day!"

"Hey, we're underwater," said Cosmo as he and Wanda followed Timmy. "It doesn't get much rainier than that!"

"Boy," said Timmy to SpongeBob, as they strolled out of the Krusty Krab, "whoever thought up that Krabby Patty recipe is a genius!"

* * *

"CURSES!" bellowed a voice.

Across the street from the Krusty Krab, a long telescope protruding from a restaurant called the "Chum Bucket" retracted into the building with a snap.

"It's not _fair!!_" cried Plankton, turning from the telescope. He clenched his tiny little fists in agony. "_I'm_ supposed to be the genius! An _evil_ genius! And Krabs is making all that money off of the secret Krabby Patty formula while I've never even had _ONE CUSTOMER!!!_"

"Customer ... customer ... customer," came the echo, as it always did.

"Which is why you've been plotting to steal the formula for years and have never succeeded," came the bored voice of Plankton's computer wife. "What plan is it now? Number 42-AT?"

"43," muttered Plankton, hanging his head. "Oh, Karen, my computer wife, _what_ could Krabs's secret _be_? He's even attracting _human_ customers now!"

Plankton started to say more but was cut off by a horrible creaking and clanking noise from outside. He started, looking around, and the doors to the Chum Bucket burst open. Crocker fell through them, yelling, and hit the floor with a bang. "This suit is too darn heavy!" he groaned as he struggled to get up.

Plankton's eyes widened in happiness. "A ... _CUSTOMER!_" he exclaimed joyfully.

He bounced over to Crocker as the teacher stood back up. "Welcome to the Chum Bucket," said Plankton proudly, handing Crocker a menu. "What would you like to order?"

"Chum Bucket?" asked Crocker, examining the menu. Suddenly he frowned. "Hey! This isn't the restaurant Turner went into! That one was the —"

"Krusty Krab," sighed Plankton, hanging his head again. "Why did I get my hopes up?"

"Oh well," said Crocker, lowering the menu. Suddenly he got his first good look at Plankton. "Hey," he said, pointing at the creature, "what the heck are you?"

"Hmm?" said Plankton, turning around. "Oh. My name is Sheldon Plankton, and I'm the founder and owner of this restaurant," he said proudly, hands on his hips.

"This restaurant, you say?" murmured Crocker, looking around. "It's a depressing place. Cobwebs everywhere, cracked and chipped paint, suffocating atmosphere ... I SHOULD TEACH HERE!"

"So ... you like it?" said Plankton, stunned.

"Oh yes!" said Crocker, bouncing around the place happily (his suit creaked horribly with every movement). "I'll take one burger!"

"YES!!!" shouted Plankton, zipping into the back room. "Karen, baby, the Chum Bucket has just attracted its first customer! Let's whip up a burger, and pronto!"

"Congratulations," said Karen dully. She used a robotic arm to pick up a plate, then aimed a special ray gun at it and zapped. A gray, mushy burger materialized on the plate, giving off a nauseating smell.

"Perfect!" said Plankton happily, grabbing the plate and dashing out. He leaped up onto Crocker's table and handed him the plate. "Your order, sir."

"Neat!" said Crocker as he examined the gray burger. He picked it up and stuffed it in his mouth, swallowing the entire thing in one gulp. He patted his cold metal stomach in satisfaction. "Delicious! You'd think this restaurant would have hundreds of customers coming in for burgers like these!" A realization suddenly struck him. "Hey," he said to Plankton, "why _don't_ you have any customers?"

Plankton's eye widened and he grimaced. "Oh, just because of... that _filthy, lying, deceitful, customer-stealing establishment across the street!!_" he shouted, pointing out the window.

"The Krusty Krab?" said Crocker, looking at the sign.

"Yes," sighed Plankton. "The owner of the restaurant has been hiding his secret burger formula for years and years. And after all the plans I make to get it, I still fail!" he shouted, clenching his fists. "No matter the technology I use, the loopholes I exploit, the people I trick, I have never gotten my hand on ONE ... SINGLE ... KRABBY PATTY!!"

"Well, if it's any consolation," said Crocker, "I know how you feel. There's this kid with a stupid pink hat that I've been tailing for months. I've been trying to use him to prove the existence of ... FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!" He leaped off the table and spasmed.

Plankton stared. "Um, are you all right?"

Crocker seemed not to have heard. "I know he has FAIRIES! He knows he has FAIRIES! Yet I've never been able to get any proof! PROOF!" he laughed, spasming. "I want PROOF! I've used computers and super-vans and trickery and lying, but I've never been able to expose a FAIRY GODPARENT!!!"

"Hmm ..." Plankton said, thinking. Suddenly a lightbulb went on in his head. "I've got it! What if we..."

"Teamed up?" grinned Mr. Crocker evilly. "I was just thinking that!"

"We could use our technology and smarts to assist each other!" said Plankton, laughing evilly.

"Yes!" said Mr. Crocker. "With my human help, you'll finally be able to get a Krabby Patty! PATTY!" he yelled, spasming. "And with your, uh, tiny plankton-like creature help, I'll finally be able to prove the existence of ... FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!"

This time Crocker spasmed so hard he crashed out the window of the Chum Bucket. Plankton stared after him. "You really should seek counseling for that."

* * *

"And this is my boating school," said SpongeBob to Timmy, as they walked through the gates. Looking around, Timmy saw various underwater boats parked along the walkway. All had numerous dents and scratches in them, and some were beat up so badly that they were unrecognizable.

"Uh, this is just a wild guess here," said Wanda nervously, "but have you had a hard time passing?"

Patrick scoffed. "Of _course_ he hasn't. Mrs. Puff just keeps SpongeBob here because he's so much fun."

"But that's okay," said SpongeBob cheerfully, "because Mrs. Puff is a great teacher! What say we go visit?"

They went up and knocked on the door, but there was no response. "What's this?" said Timmy, noticing a note attached to the door.

_Dear students —_

_There will be no class today, owing to the fact that I have to recuperate in the hospital thanks to SpongeBob's latest attempt at his driver's test. The swelling on my forehead should go down in a couple of days and I will be back then. I am not leaving an address, so don't try to come visit. THIS MEANS YOU, SPONGEBOB!_

_With Love,_

_Mrs. Puff_

"See?" said Patrick, gesturing toward the note. "She loves having him."

"Uh, okay," said Timmy, unconvinced.

Behind one of the boats several yards away, there came several clanking sounds, and Plankton and Crocker peered over the top of the boat, both of them chuckling evilly to themselves.

"You remember the plan?" Plankton whispered to Crocker, grinning.

"Right!" said Crocker, and proceeded to sneak along the row of boats. His suit promptly clattered and creaked horribly. "GAH!" Crocker shouted as SpongeBob suddenly turned around, and the teacher dove behind another row of boats, scattering them. He cowered out of sight, shivering. Finally he opened his eyes to see Plankton frowning at him.

"Did they notice me?" Crocker asked.

Plankton frowned but shook his head. "Crocker, look at you!" he shouted, gesturing to the horribly creaky suit. "You can't hope to grab the, um, _fairies_ like this!" Plankton reached behind his back and pulled out a can of oil. "Now hold still while I get your suit to shut up."

He climbed all over Crocker, oiling all the joints in the teacher's suit. "Hee hee! That tickles!" Crocker giggled as a few drops of oil trickled down his arm. Soon the entire suit was oiled, and Crocker stood up cautiously.

He didn't make a sound.

Crocker raised an arm and waved it — nothing. The suit was now completely silent.

"Perfect!" he said. "And now I shall sneak up on the little Turner boy, grab the 'underwater sea creatures' (he made quotes with his hands), and tell him that I will obliterate them unless he will tell me that they're his ... FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!"

Crocker began to spasm but Plankton reached up and grabbed him firmly around the waist, planting him to the ground. "You'll blow our cover! Now go!"

Crocker stepped out from behind the boats again, but Plankton poked his head out and whispered, "Make sure you get the yellow one to me! He knows the secret formula." He cackled evilly, rubbing his hands together.

"Have no fear!" said Crocker, saluting, and turned around to sneak up on Timmy.

"Well," said SpongeBob as he put the note back on the door, "no use hanging around here. Come on, Timmy, let's go meet Sandy!"

"Right on!" said Timmy, as he, Cosmo and Wanda followed SpongeBob. Suddenly they stopped. "Um, where's Patrick?" said Wanda, looking around.

The starfish in question was currently examining one of the boats. The same boat that Plankton happened to be cowering behind. "Hmmm. This boat looks like it has a defect," he said slowly and thoughtfully, as he examined the dashboard.

"Patrick, what are you doing?" said SpongeBob, confused, as they came up behind him.

"I am checking to make sure that this boat meets the standard requirements," said Patrick pompously, pointing a finger up in the air. "Look at the dashboard! It's all beat up and scratched."

"Actually, it looks like the entire boat is beaten up!" chirped Cosmo. He ran a finger over all the boat's controls. "Hey, what's this do?" he said, pushing one of the buttons.

In the back of the boat, the exhaust pipe coughed a cloud of black smoke out — right into Plankton's face. "AAAH! My eye!" he shouted, running around blindly.

"Ah, nothing important," said Cosmo, waving a hand, and the five of them set off to Sandy's. Behind them, Crocker hid behind a bush and inched it forward, making to follow them.

"Almost ... there..." he said to himself, with an evil grin. "Almost..."

Suddenly the boat that Cosmo had messed with let out another huge cloud of black smoke, and spun on its wheels — right toward Crocker. "GAH!" the teacher shrieked, throwing the bush aside and running from the boat. He ran and he ran, but he wasn't fast enough, and the car poked him in the back before running his legs out from under him, making the teacher cartwheel over the top. Crocker did a barrel roll and grabbed onto the steering wheel; his index finger slipped off — then his middle — then his ring — then finally his pinkie, and he flew backward, screaming, and promptly landed on Plankton.

"OUCH!" came the voice from below him.


End file.
